Cleaning of the mind, home, and body

Hey guys!  So... as we all know I am a teacher.  Like I live it, breathe it, sleep it... I leave most days between 7 and 7:30 during the school year and get home around 6:30 or 7.  If you are wondering contract hours are 8:15-3:45.  I however live more than 20 miles from where I work and it takes me 40 minutes to get there and then another 40 to get home... sometimes without traffic I can make it in 30.

Anyway- so what's my point?  Well, back when I had a one bedroom apartment with immaculate closet space and numerous closets at that I had everything neatly organized at all times.  Enter present day in my three bedroom house with the world's tiniest closets.  You would think spare rooms would mean more organization... no, my brain cannot form to the new spaces except to fill it with more junk.  So, it is my goal to start tomorrow to make the "crap" room back into a craft room, instead of the random landing place for crap.  Then to whip the spare bedroom into shape to look like it is ready for a guest.

As I sit here, still awake at 3am and in serious need of a regular schedule, I am considering all of the thoughts running through my head.  My goal is to clean up this house and then attempt to get myself back on track with some regular exercise and better eating.  A clean house is definitely the first must though as I am distracted by it with every single sense.  Hopefully, the furbabies cooperate!  I cannot tell you the last time I really sat down and MADE something.  There is just too much clutter and chaos for it right now!

"Coffee" Date Friday

Well... of course if you were going to meet me to chat over a drink it probably wouldn't be coffee...  It would be a soda or some fruity icee like drink... or if I had to suffer through the coffee smell of a Starbucks it would be the only coffee free drink on their menu :).  Then we would start with you finding out about my total  distaste for coffee... including its smell.  You would probably think that's odd since I'm a teacher and I hate mornings... but I'm a weird one :P.  I'm sure you would get a good laugh out of it.

Depending on my mood I would either be wearing one of the may cute dresses I have a closet full of or just a pair of jeans and a tshirt with some kind of coordinating jewelry.  I would be showered, with my hair smoothed and combed to the side and my makeup completely done like every morning. because. I. can't. leave. the. house. without. any. of. these. things. :)  I would tell you about how Macey has woke me up barking every morning around 8 because the neighbor is reroofing his house and garage.  It keeps me grumpy and off schedule which is why I was up until after 3am Friday morning unable to sleep.

I would share with you that my friend who I used to teach with is in the hospital still, recovering from sudden heart failure and that she was without oxygen for 7 minutes and remembers Heaven.  There would probably be tears in my eyes because she is an amazing human being and lights up a room the minute she enters.  Everyone who has ever met her is so thankful for her miraculous recovery that continues every day.

I would tell you about how I prayed long and hard and turned over a big decision in my life to God.  How I feel saddened and upset still by knowing that I will no longer be in charge over several of the children I have had for the last two years next year.  I asked to move from special education to a fourth grade classroom position, but did not get it.  I looked online at the school I student taught at and contacted someone else about possible openings.  I felt like I needed a change.  But God turned me in a different direction.  The openings in the school I student taught at were filled by the next day, openings were offered to others, and when thinking for a long time I realized that it might be okay to try out this new change and see how everything settles next year as so many other things change in the education world.

I would ask you if you had any summer plans and share with you my hopes of going on adventures to Metamora, Nashville Indiana, Bargersville, and hopefully to discover a few other new places.  I'd tell you about how I just went to Midland Arts and Antiques for the first time and how HUGE the building was.  It was full to the brim of old stuff and odds and ends that were mostly priced insanely high.  I might even tell you about the lady that followed me to find out what perfume I was wearing and where I got it from LOL!

I'd tell you that in reflecting last night I realized this year has been a hard one.  I lost a dear friend and former coworker to cancer, a former student to Cystic Fibrosis at only 15, had one of my "work mama's" retire, lost my cat of 17 years, and have had difficult changes take place in my school life that are still seeping to my core.  This year has been rough- but I feel like my faith in God has grown stronger and my patience with myself.  My house still looks like a beginning of hoarders :) not really, it's just clutter that needs put away, but I would not even try to convince you that I've become more domesticated or grown up.  I still consider microwave mac and cheese a meal.

Anyway, when we were all done I might give you a hug... We would make plans to meet up again over the summer sometime and to keep in touch.  We would smile and wave and drive back to our little lives to cook up new adventures for the rest of the day.  And I would be thankful for having yet another amazing friend.

And... btw... I cannot figure out how to embed my pins now so that this has pictures.... :(  Anybody got any hints to help a girl out?

I'm linking up to Alissa @

http://ragstostitchesblog.com/category/coffee-date/

Free Printables From Moi :)

Click and save the above images to print for your own PERSONAL use. 

Images should print out at 8.5 x 11 size.

How To: Regular Scarf to Infinity with Two Knots!

Okay guys... so this video is like two months old because the blog had issues uploading videos for a while there.  And I ramble A LOT.  Anyway, I haven't posted in a while so I figured I would give this a shot. It's been a crazy year so far in these five months.  I've had lots of emotional trials with so called friends and other people who have entered my life.  I also just had to have my cat who was 17 years old put down last weekend due to congestive heart failure.  I am working on feeling human again... and stable and hopefully more posts will come soon.  Due to the challenges of life and insanity of work I treated myself to two new pairs of flats tonight.  You better believe I am going to do a post on those in the next week!  Gotta love some Targeting!  Alright, hope all is well with all of you and I will be back soon!  Keep on keepin' on!  Oh, and I lost the photos that I mentioned posting... buttttt I am doing a third round with my third color from the Olia line soon so I will try again! :)

Garnier Olia Hair Color Review

Source: walmart.com via Amy on Pinterest

I found this new hair color at Walmart for around $9 and decided to give it a shot.  It boasted of no stinky smell, no amnonia, and the promise to leave my hair healthier than it was before I colored.  So I snatched up 6.43 in Light Natural Auburn to get rid of my freaky growing out highlights and the twenty odd white hairs gracing each side of my head!

I definitely love this product.  It was thicker than normal dyes which was a little odd to get used to at first.  It appears as though you have a lot more dye to work with, but it averages out to what is in every other brand because it is so much thicker.  I didn't notice any smell- at all, seriously.  Then again I'm still having sniffle issues from the flu and I have four pets so my sense of smell may be shot.  My hair was left feeling soft and looking shiny, there were nice curls and waves in it the day after when I first washed it which has NEVER been the case before.  Normally, my hair is flat and plastered to my head with tons of static and crunchy, coarse ends... not the case this time at all.  I'm definitely going to stick with Olia!

P.S. I'm not a big fan of the Rimmel BB Cream after one use.  It wore off fast and didn't blur imperfections as well as the lovely Stila 10 in 1 all day beauty balm that retails for $38.  Obviously in this case you get what you pay for.  I will keep searching though!

Vlog: Polish

Sorry guys!  I can't figure out how to edit my other video clip to just show the crazy dog butting in!  Oh well, love to ya's anyway!

Linking up to Heather @ justlove.ly for Mani Monday!

Vlog: Makeup Overhaul

EEK!  Second Vlog ever and trying not to over judge myself!  Hope you enjoy or at least laugh along with me!

Shop Update: Put a Bow on It

"Put a Bow on It" small felt bow clips will be hitting the shop this evening! $2.00 with $1.00 shipping for a set of two, you choose colors and can mix and match! Sizes are approximately 2 - 2.5 inches and are on a toothless metal clip that stays in place in ANY hair! (mine is straight and super thin/fine) Anyone interested?

Color options are: hot/dark pink, light pink, baby blue, yellow, mustard yellow, dark green, bright green, sage green, gray, white, black, orange, red, plum, lavendar... pictures to follow in shop later!

A Place in This World Shop

Crafting Bug is Kicking Back in Gear!

Alright guys... I have been away FOREVER and I can't tell you the last time I made something!  It's getting to me BAD.

So... I am planning to get to creating and add several new things to the shop over the next couple weeks.  You can use code BLACKFRIDAY20 for 20% off your total order now through December 10th.

Look for singed satin buttercup clips, single flower headbands, and some fun new jewelry, as well as custom options for the patchwork poppy pins :)

Hope all is well on your end!  I'm hoping to feel human and like myself again soon!

Have a wonderful holiday!

Family pic... back to front... Reggie is the gray cat by the gray pillow, Macey is the one eye peeking in the pink hoody just above Tinkerbell who is the orange tabby... and front and center... the photobomber... Charlie

We have a colorguard team in our district for students with special needs and they are AMAZING... every year there is a trivia night to raise money for them... this year was celebrity themed so I tried my hand at Adele.

Wherrreee has my life gone???

Helloooooo!  So where have I been and where is the classroom peek?

Well... I decided to ditch all of my old classroom rules and behavior stuff and revamp it with the bee theme.  Mostly due to the fact that I made the mistake of letting a kiddo give behavior stamps on my charts and then every time I turned my back someone was going stamp crazy... sooooo now we use punch cards!

Source: firstgraderatlast.blogspot.com via Amy on Pinterest

(Inspiration from First Grader at Last blog)

How has your October been?

Mine involved body shop drama with my car (had to return it three times), the bank posting several overdraft fees without cause or reason and still fighting me to refund them, a not the way I had requested hair dye and highlight job, resulting in me getting irritated and getting a new hair cut that didn't result anywhere near what I wanted either... and still in over my head with school work!

On a high note... my Master's coursework is FINISHED!  Graduation is December!  YAY ME!

Source: upload.wikimedia.org via Christine on Pinterest

I miss being creative and crafty and blogging.  Unfortunately, teaching is keeping me INCREDIBLY busy this year and I'm losing out on those other things.  The craft room is a clean up in progress... but I decide halfway through that I should switch the craft room and spare bedroom... except that involves taking apart and rebuilding furniture.

Also, anyone ever had carpet put in their entire house?  How does that work with all of the furniture that needs to be moved around?  Just the thought of all of the things that have to be moved to remove old carpet and lay down new stresses me out!!!  This is not an episode of hoarders here, but I have some serious stuff!

Source: itunes.apple.com via Amy on Pinterest

Welp, that's the randomness rant of the night.  I spent the evening hanging with family with my two poms.  Macey went dressed as a fairy ballerina and Charlie was a Nascar pit crew member.  I love that some people hand out doggie treats and the pups did too.

Hope to get a chance to get back to some real blogging here soon!  Until then, love to all and hope you are rocking life with more stability and finesse than I am at the moment!

Coming Soon: A Peek into My Classroom

Since my house is a disaster area that you will probably never see... ever wondered what my classroom where I spend most of my life looks like? Well, even if you didn't... I'm going to share some pics later this week :)

Stamp courtesy of Norajane on Etsy: http://www.etsy.com/listing/53490828/bee-rubber-stamp

(super affordable and adorable stamps here ladies!)

Behavior Chart courtesy of: http://www.thekinderpolkadotpatch.com/2011/08/just-had-too.html

Mason Jar via Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/pin/199213983486461203/

(I actually edited the jar and added a grid for the bee stamps... will share that once I get the file from school.)

Ladybugs are blank cards from the Walmart $1 bin with the famous quote from "The Help"

Fourth Grade Wisdom: Searching for Words... Lord help me..

Source: one-0f-these-days.blogspot.com via Aiko on Pinterest

I was reading with a group of my boys today:

Me: "Okay... so do you know what it is called when endangered animals all die out? Like... if all of the elephants died... what would that be called?"

Student 1: "A bleed out!"

Me: "What?"

Student 1: "On my video game you lay there dead and bleed out."

Me: "Ummm... no."

Student 2: "Dead!"

Me: "Well... yeah we established that. What would you call it if all of the elephants died? They would be what? It starts with an e."

Student 3: "Elephants!"

(Now I'm hiding my face with our worksheet cracking up)

Me: "Yes, they are elephants... but all of them are dead and gone... starts with an ex."

Student 1: "EXCITED!"

Me: "They are excited that they are all dead?"

(By this point we are all hysterical and have all but given up on figuring out the word EXTINCT.)

So just remember... when the elephants die they will bleed out and be excited dead elephants... the wisdom of fourth graders.

30 Things #8: 5 Passions

(This picture has nothing to do with this post... I just needed a picture to try to get you to read this...)

#8 What are five passions you have and why?

pas·sion

[ pásh'n ] (noun) intense enthusiasm: a strong liking or enthusiasm for a subject or activity

1. Creating
2. Spending time with friends
3. Supporting my family
4. Learning to relax... and be imperfect
5. Being accepting of myself and others

Yes... I looked up the word. I needed some inspiration. I feel like teaching should be somewhere in that top five... but teaching isn't my LIFE so I think it's okay that I have other priorities.

I have completed 9 of the 10 courses required for my Master's Degree. I will be finished October 14th. 16 months. Boy was it and is it a ride.

I have spent 3 or 4 hours a day, three days a week at school moving into my new classroom and setting it up. I laugh every time someone comes in because I set up the new classroom EXACTLY like my old room minus the padded time out room that had taken away two sets of closets. Otherwise I pretty much put everything in the exact same spot down to the magnets on the chalkboard. I have one bulletin board and a random array of things spread out across the back row of desks to find homes for, as well as a large stack of outdated materials that need to be donated on the back table. Then I will be finished. HOORAY!

I also hope to move the health and science teacher editions from the metal rolling cabinet to one of the closets... As the only special education resource teacher in the school I house a set of ALL of the teacher's editions for ALL of the subject areas for ALL of the grade levels. It currently takes up several closets.

My goal is to wrap things up and share pics of my classroom with you guys :). I sorta love my classroom set up since arriving at this new school.

Alright, off to bed now. Much love.

Craftaholics Anonymous Summer 2012: Handmade Gift Exchange

Hello! This is what I made for my partner in the secret handmade gift exchange hosted by Linda @ Craftaholics Anonymous.

My partner said she liked owls and the colors navy, yellow, and gray for her house. She also told me that they were big into decorating for the holidays. This is what I came up with:

I hand sewed and pieced him together from start to finish with my own design.

The clothespins hold the little seasonal banners... they are felt pieces glued to twine. I hand created the felt pieces for everything but Christmas and Valentines. Fall is orange triangles that I painted with acrylic paint.

These are the doggy craft inspectors... and a little owl waiting for me to finish his banners!

What do you think? I haven't had any luck hearing from my partner yet so I'm really hoping she liked them!

30 Things: #7 Dream Job

#7 What is your dream job and why?

Well, I don't really have one dream job. One of my dream jobs was to be a teacher! I wanted to be an elementary teacher or a gifted and talented teacher. Well, elementary teacher didn't happen because there was no shortage of candidates and gifted and talented required a masters- so I got in with special education. I love my kids and the teachers I work with and the majority of days of my job. Sometimes I feel stressed or overwhelmed, but I absolutely love this job. I wanted to be a teacher because my first grade teacher and fifth grade teachers changed my life. They were a safe place and support for me. They believed in me and showed me that I could do things and gave me praise when I was missing it at home. I wanted to do the same and I knew that I could relate to the lives of the children I would get.

Source: heygirlteacher.tumblr.com via Amy on Pinterest

My other dream job was to be an artist because I love to draw. Or to be an author because I used to write novels and short stories starting in third grade. I have notebooks I filled with handwritten stories. There are a large sum of poems that I have written as well. I love writing and drawing. My real DREAM job that probably won't ever happen is to own my own little shop/boutique like place to sell things I create. Poems, books, art, things like what I have in my etsy shop. I don't have the slightest idea how to go about starting there and I really like stability which I feel like I have with my Special Education position.

Source: heygirlteacher.tumblr.com via Amy on Pinterest

This will be my 8th year teaching and supporting students with special needs in the elementary setting. Sometimes I really want to have my own class. I want to teach my own lessons and have my own group of kiddos all day. Right now I go into classrooms and pull my kiddos aside for small reading groups, or sometimes pull them to my room to teach them math in a smaller group and with different strategies. Other times for writing or those students who are not that far behind, I just go in the classroom and float around to them to help them out and check in with how they are doing. I think about my future and one day transferring to a gifted and talented classroom, but honestly I don't know if I can or will. In my eighth year I have sadly been around in the district for longer than the majority of the other special education teachers. I know that others do not do everything down to the detail as I do and I worry that someone else wouldn't work as hard for my kiddos or develop the relationship with them and their families that I have. I can't leave these guys or their parents and at this point, with covering the entire school I will have them year after year and our relationships will never end! So... I have a lot of ideas, but I think I've really snatched up my dream job already. :)

Source: thegirlwhoworeyellow.tumblr.com via Amy on Pinterest

Check out this site for more "Hey Girl- Teacher" edition eye candy:

http://heygirlteacher.tumblr.com/

30 Things: #6 Hardest Thing

#6 What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

The hardest thing I have ever experienced was when my mom had her heart attack. It was hard to think of losing her and even harder to watch her and my other family members break down. No matter how old you are, you always need your mom or a parent to turn to. It was scary to find out what was happening and then know that she needed a double bypass. The way someone looks after that isn't something you can prepare for. She was all swelled up and had tons of machines connected to her and into her and creepy noises and gurgling. She was covered with big ice pack things and blankets and it was just scary. I'm not good at losing people or going through changes. This was not something I was ready for and it knocked me for a loop for a long while. I'm thankful to say my mom gave up smoking after doing so most of her life and is doing great now three or four years later.

Source: life-love-laughter.tumblr.com via Amy on Pinterest

30 Things: #5 Happy Things

5. List five things that make you happy right now.

1) my pups and kitties, even if the pups won't shut the *@!% up!

2) my school family/friends, both those of the past and present

3) the almost finished dishes... i let them pile up for WAY too long

4) having a new outfit picked out for the first day of school, even though I'm a teacher

5) the memories of my dear friend who passed away this week and remembering her smile, she fought lung cancer for almost three years and just lost her battle... she had a beautiful smile and laugh, it makes me sad to lose her, but I'm happy to have known her, to have memories, and to know she is out of pain.

Source: poster-street.com via Amy on Pinterest

30 Things: #4 Dear 16 Year Old Me

#4- List 10 things you would tell your sixteen year old self if you could

Source: iwastesomuchtime.com via Amy on Pinterest

Dear 16 year old me,

#1 That boy you've had a crush on since 8th grade... it's not going to happen. You become really great friends and he genuinely cares about you, but he knows you deserve better. In about ten years you will tell him about the huge crush you had on him only to find out he's living about six doors down in the same apartment complex. Don't worry- you won't run into each other and he keeps randomly checking in on you via messenger every few weeks to chat a little.

#2 You will get a boyfriend eventually... after high school. He's going to sweep you off of your feet and be everything dreams were made of, for a little while. You will go through a lot of hardships and he's going to hurt you and you don't deserve it. You did nothing wrong and he lost something amazing in you.

#3 Don't worry about how you will pay for college or if you can even go. You've got this covered Miss Smarty Pants.

#4 LOL The guy you have a crush on at work... that is super hot... that's not going to happen either. Enjoy the eye candy though.

#5 That girl you are besties with right now... she's going to use you until you get pushed too far. Don't worry though, other friends come along. They won't be around for long after high school, but girly they are going to change your life forever and be so worth it.

#6 The Easter Egg Hunts with the Lockharts and Margie, treasure those forever. And don't sweat over the fact that you only get to see Sarah once a year, you guys are still going to be H.A.B.s when you grow up. In fact she gets you back into crafting and doing what you love and you guys see each other pretty regularly.

#7 Your brother is going to grow up. You won't kill each other. Seriously. He turns in to a pretty good guy and helps you out a lot. Just give him time.

#8 Keep writing! Those stories and poems are amazing and when you get older you will be fascinated at how great of an author you were. They don't come as easily anymore!

#9 Take more pictures! You have so many amazing memories you need to capture! AND your Senior year is really going to rock.

#10 Don't listen to that crazy nurse when she tells you you aren't doing good enough with changing your eating habits and lifestyle. She's going to get let go of in a few years anyway without warning because of her craziness. You are rocking it girl and it will be so much easier later if you stick to it now!

16 year old me, you are living the best years of your life. Treasure every second!

Sincerely,

29 year old me :)

30 Things: #3 Relationship with your parents

3. Describe your relationship with your parents.

Source: Uploaded by user via Amy on Pinterest

Well, my father is an alcoholic and a pothead. I hadn't spoken to him since I was 15 until my mother had a heart attack four years ago. My parents divorced when I was 15. We lived in the same yard as my dad's mom which is where he moved after the divorce was final. I cut him out of my life along with the rest of his family. All my father ever did was yell and cuss at me, belittle me, and abuse us emotionally and mentally. I remember the smell of alcohol on his breath and the cloud of smoke from the pot. I think it takes more than blood to make a family. Many people disagree with my choice to cut him and his family from my life. I feel that I have to do what is best for me and I spent 15 years praying to God to please give me a way out of the life I was living. I prayed for an end to the crying until I hyperventilated, the feeling of worthlessness, and the fear. I have no regrets about this choice.

Source: couragehopestrength.tumblr.com via Amy on Pinterest

My mother and I have a complicated relationship as well. She spent so much time being silent and standing on the side lines when things happened as we grew up. When my brother became violent towards me she said that I deserved it. She blamed me for all of the things that went wrong and for anything that made my brother mad. When I was 22 she kicked me out of the apartment we were living in together because I wouldn't pay half of all of the bills. In all honesty I probably couldn't have afforded it and since I was only in the one bedroom and never home I didn't feel like it was fair. She told me I had wasted four years going to college to be a teacher because I couldn't get a job anywhere. It was hard. Our relationship got better once I was on my own, but then I started suffering from anxiety and panic attacks. She supported me and did a lot, but other hardships have come out way. My mom has gotten back with my "father". They aren't married, but she spends every Sunday and Monday with him. It upsets my brother and I because she says she only got the divorce for us and other comments she makes make us feel like she thinks she would have been happy without us. By her going back to my "father" it feels and seems as though she is saying that everything he did to us is okay. He hasn't changed. He still does all of the things he did then. I ask my mom to do things with me and she acts like they are a hassle or complains that she doesn't want to and then will turn around and do the same things with him and go on and on about how great it is. It feels like I can't depend on her. It's hard to feel that way. I am incredibly grateful to my mom for keeping a roof over my head and raising me and everything else she has done.

Source: tumblr.com via Amy on Pinterest

I really don't have anything else to say here. I'm having a bad week and it's really gotten to me. Sometimes life overwhelms.

Source: inspirationalrecovery.tumblr.com via Amy on Pinterest

Thoughts, prayers, and love to all of you.

30 Things: #2 Fears

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

I'm sorta scared of dogs. I used to be scared of ALL dogs because I got bit in the face by one and it ripped a hole in my lip and I had to have emergency reconstructive surgery by a plastic surgeon to fix it... and now I just have a little white line... but I'm not really scared of ALL dogs anymore... My first dog was a Pomeranian/Sheltie mix.. Buddy, you can see his pic in the bottom right side :). Once when I was living in my first apartment I let him out to potty. A pitbull (I didn't know what kind of dog it was at the time) came up and started sniffing him. In a split second that pitbull latched on to my dog and was dragging him away from me with his head in his jaws. My dog was growling and flipping out and doing everything to try to break away. The collar came off of him and the dog wouldn't let Buddy go. I was standing there screaming for help and no one was coming for what seemed like an eternity. Finally some guy stopped his car and came running over and was hitting the dog over the head but it wouldn't stop. I finally remembered the guy next to me was a cop so I went running to his door screaming and he came out and maced the other dog to get it off of mine. It took the whole can to get it to let go. My dog ran for our door and the neighbor called in and he and some other officers tracked down the dog and it's owner who ended up having a warrant for his arrest... obviously pet ownership is a responsibility that reflects on one's pet. My dog ended up fine. He had some puncture wounds, but nothing needed stitches. I felt so bad for him. All he w

anted to do was curl up behind me. So, that kinda brought back the fear. I currently have my brother's pitbull living in my spare bedroom though as he is going through some hard times. This dog cracks me up. He is so sweet and goofy and well behaved. I'm still nervous somewhat because he is a bigger dog compared to Pomeranians (HA!), but he's so sweet. I still won't take my dogs on walks because of the occurrence with Buddy so thank goodness we have a big backyard.

Second fear, failure. I'm afraid to fail or not be perfect. I'm afraid of letting others down or upsetting them. I don't like not being everything for everyone. I know it's unrealistic and no one is perfect, but it's something I always strive for. My house is a wreck and it drives me crazy. I don't want some people to come in because I'm so self conscious about everything that is out of place. Every dirty dish, every furball tumble weed, litter boxes with poopies in them, and let's be realistic- Macey and I are still fighting to get her house broken so there are some potty accidents here and there. I trace this back to my childhood and the fact that my parents never seemed proud of anything I did. My father is an alcoholic so he never really counted in my life for anything that mattered. My mother always talked about how borrowing my report cards and parent teacher conferences were because I got straight A's and everyone loved me. She almost didn't make it to the Honors reception where I got my letter jacket for academics because her boss asked her to work and she didn't get why I was so upset. My graduation (high school and college) have very few pictures from the ceremony and I drove myself home alone and didn't have anyone standing around to take pics of me or my friends afterward. I look back and see all the pictures my friends had and it makes me sad. Every single flaw in my house or housekeeping or yard or life or an outfit drive me crazy. The OCD is manageable while on medication, but it's still something I have to talk myself through. I also guilt myself over the fact that some people can clean their entire houses or move and unpack a whole house in one day... I've had six weeks of summer break and I haven't touched any of it. Given my garage is full and I've tried to spend time with friends and do new things, but I feel like I've wasted my break relaxing, shopping, catching up on sleep, staying up late, spending time with friends and family, and whatever else I've been doing that isn't related to my job, grad school, or cleaning. It's a constant battle in my head against myself.

Source: tweakiz.com via Amy on Pinterest

Last fear- being alone forever. This one sounds so stupid, but it's one of my biggest insecurities. I don't always consider myself to be pretty. I'm a larger girl and dieting and losing weight is easier said than done. I ask myself a lot why a guy would want me when he could have a prettier, thinner girl. I'm insecure in a lot of areas. I've only dated a handful of guys and most of the relationships were not good ones. I deserved better than them and better than how they treated me in the end. So my fear at 29 as I look at my friends who are married, married with kids, or in long term relationships, is that I'm never going to find that because there's something wrong with me. Do I really believe there's something wrong with me? It depends on the day.

Source: Uploaded by user via Amy on Pinterest

Part of me wants to delete this post right now because this is deep and heavy stuff. And #3 is to describe your relationship with your parents. Things might be a little deep for a while. Hope you will stick around for the ride, after all there's probably someone else out there that feels these same things and needs to know they aren't alone too.