Saturday, March 31, 2012

Day 6 of 30: Interesting Facts About Yourself

Okay... so no one ever said they had to be 30 CONSECUTIVE days!

And... I was pretty sick for a month there so I had an authentic reason to be MIA.

Anyway... now to the post...

30 Interesting Facts About ME
  1. I got bit in the face by a dog before I started kindergarten and it tore a hole in my upper lip, basically from below my nose almost through my lip... thank God for plastic surgeons who have left me with just a barely noticeable white line scar.

  2. I HATE snakes. I found one in my backyard once and would not let myself or the pets go out there for TWO WEEKS.

  3. I get cold chills and very anxious when I walk through the aquarium section at pet stores where they are in a separate place and you are surrounded by the fish... I'm always afraid the glass is gonna break.

  4. I'm a big sister... to a three year younger brother.

  5. I have very few people that I really consider "friends" and most of them have been around for the long haul (aka Sarah from Love, Love, Love).

  6. I always wanted to be a ballerina or ice skater.

    Source: via Amy on Pinterest

  7. I inspect everything I get from Taco Bell to make sure my order is right and there are no rogue onions, tomatoes, or lettuce (ACK!)

  8. I count things to reassure myself.

  9. Anyone who knows me for a few days realizes that I have a slight obsession with pink and sparkly anything.

  10. When I moved into my house I had 52+ pairs of shoes, 16 of those were different colored flip flops from Old Navy.

  11. I cannot sleep without a light on.

  12. I HATE feet- 'cept puppy and kitty feet.

  13. I laugh at anything that says hand wash or dry clean only and give it a run through the washer.

  14. I have slept in a twin size bed my entire post-crib life.

  15. I have only spent the night away from home once since high school, and that then started my obsession with owning a bigger bed with down bedding.

  16. I hate coconut. It's like a fruit version of onions... texture wise at least.

  17. My first dog (Buddy) would sit upon command in English or French.

  18. I still own all of the Disney movies my mom bought me as a kid and still watch them on the VCR (I don't know how people live without one!)

  19. My mom taught me to sew in third or fourth grade when I brought home my reading book from school and wanted to make a butterfly pillow that it showed in the "at home connections" section.

  20. I have never drank and never plan to.

  21. I have written an entire 18 gallon rubbermaid tote full of stories from when I was in school and they are just sitting in my closet.

  22. I have issues getting rid of things or throwing things away because I worry that I will lose my job or come upon some financial hardship and not be able to replace it.

  23. I wanted to be an artist or author but was afraid of the instability.

  24. I also was afraid to become an artist for fear that I would hate what I love because it would become a job.

  25. I have never been in a plane.

  26. I haven't been on a vacation since 8th grade when we went as a family to Georgia (almost 15ish years ago).

  27. The first blog I ever followed was Reinvented.

  28. I am a Christian with majority Baptist preferences, but I attended a private Catholic liberal arts college which confuses some people.

  29. I have a freakishly good memory that drives people CRAZY.

  30. My middle name Jean is a family name. My mom's name is Jeanne, her mom's middle name is Jean and her dad's middle name is Gene. :)
Link up in a comment if you want to play along!

Here's what I'm following in case you've forgotten from the long delays:

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Day 5 of 30: A Time You Thought About Ending Your Own Life

Today's topic could be deep and loaded, but I can honestly say I have NEVER thought about taking my own life ever.

I do suffer from anxiety and sometimes bouts of depression, but I take medication to treat the symptoms and do my best to deal with the underlying issues every day.

I swore for a long time after seeing the effects anti depressant medication had on family members that I would NEVER take medication.

Then shortly after moving out on my own and starting my career, I started having panic attacks. My darkest moments were when I would sit in the middle of my tiny kitchen in my apartment with my dog at my side staring at me, and cry uncontrollably. I would cry in the shower every morning and have to get out of the shower to catch my breath and avoid panic attacks. I would cry on the way to work, as I sat alone in my room and ate lunch, and every other moment I found myself alone.

I felt lost and hopeless. I felt as though I had wasted four years of my life studying to become a teacher because I wasn't knocking the pants off of everyone like I'd hoped. My heart and my soul hurt. But... NEVER did I EVER consider taking my own life.

When I was in sixth grade my uncle took his own life. I remember how that felt. I know the void it has left in our family. I know the pain it caused people. I saw the pain. I still see the pain. I would and could NEVER do that to people I love or to myself.

I have lived through hardships and challenges. I was a resiliant child who overcame many obstacles and I still struggle with things. When I hit bottom though and sat there crying and feeling like I was going to vomit every moment of every day from the anxiety- I refused to live like that. I knew in that dark hour that I needed help and I had to get it so that I could be me again. My mom helped me a lot during that time, she would come sit with me at my house, talk to me on the phone, offer to stay the night so I would feel okay. I have an amazing support system of family and friends, but it felt very shameful and embarrassing almost when I started to suffer from depression and anxiety. I can tell you now though that I have no regrets in asking for help and going to my doctor to get medication. I was very open with my doctor and let him know exactly how medications made me feel and we worked to find one that would work for me. The OCD traits and diagnosis came about later, but it is treated with the same kind of medication.

No matter how hard things get or how hopeless it seems, I know that I can get through and that I have something to live for even if I don't know what the future holds.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Day 4 of 30: Views on Religion


This is Day 18 of being sick. I have suffered high fevers, sev

ere migraines, pain all over, vomiting, nausea, dehydration, elevated liver levels, pain and tenderness in my abdomen, the inability for anything to touch, squeeze, or put any pressure on my enter torso, severe sore throat and ear pain, and other issues I will not divulge.

Three doctor visits, one immediate care visit, one ER visit, a HIDA scan, three rounds of bloodwork, four IVs, ultrasounds, and endless medications.

On Day 18 we have finally decided it is my GALL BLADDER. It has a serious reduction in functioning and that baby has GOT TO GO! I'm thrilled because I can't wait to feel normal again!

So... anyway, back to my bloggin'. I'm still trying to attack this 30 day challenge thing.

Today's topic is religion.
(artwork created by me)

I consider myself to be a Christian. I have been saved and accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and try to do everything I can to live a life of faith and positive actions. Just like every other human being I falter and make mistakes, but I get back up and learn from the past and work to improve my future.

I believe in God and that there has to be some higher power. I don't think we are just here living lives and then it's over. I believe in Heaven. I believe that animals have souls and that when I get to Heaven I will be joined by all of the four legged babies I have loved my entire life and missed so much. God will basically have me set up in my own animal heaven considering the number of pets I have had. I believe that those loved ones who have passed on will be there to greet me and that there is more after this life.

I have faced other people who proclaim themselves Christians and other demonimations, who do not live a life I would consider Christian-like but because they go to church they seem to believe they have a free pass.

I do not regularly attend church. The church I attended as a child was with my best friend, but it wasn't MY church. I attended a youth group at a distant church in middle school that eventually filed bankruptcy, but which I parted ways from due to a difference in key beliefs. There is a pastor that is amazing whom leads a church I attended with my goddaughter, but at this moment I have not been able to overcome the pain of losing contact with her or the lies that were spread about me to attend that church. I do not believe that God is going to look down on me because I do not attend church regularly. I live a life that follows my beliefs and I hope portrays my Christianity.

I struggle when dating and meeting guys because they think sex is a casual thing that one just does on a whim and that's not something I believe in. I believed for a very long time that sex should wait until marriage, I still prefer that belief, but more than anything I think it really needs to wait for that one person you love with everything and want to spend your entire life beside and loving completely. Sometimes marriages fail, it happens.

I do not believe in using drugs or drinking alcohol, but these are more due to personal issues than my religious beliefs.

Basically, I believe that God has put us all here for a reason and that we need to strive to be the best people we can be- loving one another, serving and helping others, and doing everything we can to share kindness, love, faith, and hope with the world. We are not here to hurt or judge others, we are all here to grow and learn and love together.

(artwork created by me)

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