Saturday, February 18, 2012
I am sick and miserable at the moment. My body feels like it's burning up but I barely break 97 degrees! GRRR! At least I know it isn't the measles that have broken out in Indiana schools- I was vaccinated as a baby thankfully!
Now... my views on drugs and alcohol.
I have never tried any drugs or even tasted alcohol. In fact, I didn't even have a virgin drink until this past November when we went on a teacher's conference in Chicago (ha!).
I grew up with a so called father who is an alcoholic and a pothead. I remember the smell of both and the way it felt to have someone under the influence of those things in my daily life. I remember getting yelled at and punished for things like not wanting to eat what we were having for dinner or for talking on the phone for too long. I remember crying until I started hyperventilating and dreaming of escaping the life I was living.
My parents divorced when I was 15. The only time I have spoken to my "father" since is when my mother had her heart attack and he called her at the hospital.
Some people tell me that he's my father and I need to have him in my life. Others tell me I'll regret cutting him out later when he's gone.
I believe it takes more than blood to make a family or a parent. I believe that when someone is hurting your soul you need to make the choice to change your life. I struggle daily with anxiety and OCD. I struggle with wanting to be perfect because I feel like anything less isn't good enough. I lived a life where there was no recognition of a job well done or hugs or being told that I was loved or that my parents were proud of me. I love my mom dearly. She is the reason I had a roof over my head and clothes on my back and food in my stomach my whole life.
My views on drugs and alcohol are that they are not worth the risk of repeating the mistakes of my past. I know others can drink socially and be fine, but I don't really care for being around people who get drunk or going out to bars.
So... that's where I stand. Hopefully I haven't driven any of you away with these posts of honesty and realism. Maybe you want to tag along? Leave me your blog address if you decide to participate!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Where do I want to be in ten years?
DONE WITH MY MASTERS!
(That will probably happen this summer thank GOD!)
I'd like to be married and have at least one child. Hopefully in a bigger house with my two pups still enjoying life. They'll be 13 then.
I'd like to still be teaching, as a resource teacher or a classroom teacher or a gifted and talented teacher is fine with me.
I want to still have the same friends and still spend time with them, shopping and crafting, and loving that they are in my life.
I want to still live close to my family and see them for every holiday and celebration, and even more often if possible.
I want to be happy and better at the housecleaning and cooking.
More than anything, I want to have my goddaughter back in my life. A beautiful little girl who was born on July 31, 2001 and whom I haven't seen in almost three years. I would give ANYTHING to have her back in my life and know how much I love her.
That's where I want to be in ten years.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Day 1 of the 30 day challenge: Write about your relationship status, if you are single talk about how that is.
I'm single. I personally, mostly think it sucks. I love the feeling of loving someone and having someone that you can confide in about things and depend on. I've been burned a hundred times and it hurts and it's hard, but I don't think I'll ever really give up on finding love. This is kind of a depressing post... one that you almost don't want to write.
On the bright side- I am thankful that I have learned to stand on my own two feet and be responsible. I may not be a good housekeeper by any means or keep the yard neat and trimmed. Sometimes I pay a bill late and give myself a hard time, but I also wayyy over commit myself. Right now, my day starts around 6 or 6:30am. I leave for school by 7:30. I drive 27 miles to my school and work all day until the kids leave at 3:45 and then try to get home by 6:30/6:45. When I get home I spend about an hour tending to the dogs and cleaning up their messes. I decide to maybe eat dinner between 7:30 and 8. Then I do school work while watching tv... but sometimes in between I crash out asleep and wake up at 1am. Other times, I watch tv and work until 11... then try to fall asleep but lay awake until one or two... and repeat it all over again the next day. P.S. I also am taking two graduate courses for my Master's in Educational Psychology and am in charge of 34 students in K-4th grade with loads of paperwork. Am I responsible? Sure. Do I get enough sleep? Not nearly- but who really does? Am I crazy? HA! Probably!
So what does a single girl do when she does have time?
She sleeps. She cuddles and plays and gives kisses to her Pomeranians. Loves on her kitties. Shops for deals at Old Navy and the Gap Outlet. She looks for crafty bargains or wanders Target or Walmart aimlessly. She hangs out with her amazing friends to craft or shop or eat or go to a yogurt bar or laugh and vent. A single girl snatches those moments when she feels like she can breathe and lives life to the fullest and this single girl, forgets that a man probably isn't going to fall into her lap!
Seriously- you know if I find a guy at the flea market or Joanns or Old Navy or Gap Outlet or Target or Walmart... he's probably got a girlfriend who drug him there!
Well. I'm 28. I'm single. I've opened up and been hurt. I cry and heal. I open up again. I have two Pomeranians and two cats. I teach, I love my students, and I work on my Master's degree. I shop waayyyy too much and need to learn to clean house and budget better. But-
I am ONLY 28!!!
There's still time, there's always time to make change and to choose to be happy.
So... I may have started off gray and dreary, but I'm working on choosing to be happy. I'm working to remember those daily moments that make me smile as a SINGLE girl. And, it's gonna be O.K.
Saw this on Pinterest... and as I'm currently feeling overwhelmed, I've decided it's a good start to getting my life back on track. Beginning with this so I can reflect... wanna join me? <3
Saturday, February 11, 2012
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